The Pursuit of God

"The modern scientist has lost God amid the wonders of His world; we Christians are in real danger of losing God amid the wonders of His Word." - A.W. Tozer, in "The Pursuit of God"

I have had the wonderful opportunity to sit under some tremendous bible teachers. These men have given me the tools for a lifetime of study and enjoyment of His Word and I am eternally grateful for that. However, I am beginning to realize that in my quest for knowledge I've forgotten what I'm supposed to be looking for. My quest should be for the knowledge of God's heart and His ways. The study of His word should have this end in sight. Those who have taught me continually impressed this upon me but I fear that I have too often stopped short of this goal by being satisfied with learning mere facts.

For example, just today I was reading 2 Kings 8 and discovered that King Ahaziah of Judah is the nephew of King Jehoram of Israel. While interesting it does not increase my understanding of God's heart. Realizing that Ahaziah's mother, Athalia (King Jehoram's sister and daughter of King Ahab and Jezebel) introduced Baal worship to Judah is another "factoid" that used to excite me. Knowing all of this is not a bad thing and can be useful in the pursuit of God (eg. understanding how jealous God is with His people and how much He abhors idol worship), but I had previously made the discovery of these facts the end goal of my study.

The Lord has graciously given me extra time over these next few months to read, study, and pray. I am determined that I will keep the pursuit of God's heart and His ways as my chief end. I want to see people as the Lord sees them. I want to view life from the Lord's perspective. I want to trust Him without being plagued with doubting thoughts. I don't quite know where this will take me but I pray that the Lord honors my desire. I will close with a quotation of a prayer in A.W. Tozer's book, "The Pursuit of God".

"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus' name. Amen."

God is Working

God began to visibly move again in our situation on September 19, 2007. I say again because He started moving us out of my job and into seminary back in May. We then went through a period of almost four months where it seemed the Lord was not at work at all. However, through that time we persevered in prayer (though not as consistently as I would have liked). It seemed as if nothing was happening. Nobody mentioned anything about my performance, what I should be doing, when I was leaving, etc. Every day at work there was this large elephant in the room that nobody would talk about. I decided that I would pray that the Lord would move in the situation instead of pressuring for an answer.

That finally happened on Sept. 19th.

Though I can't go into detail here, I am very thankful that my employer has agreed to allow me a generous time of transition for our move.

There is one more part of the story which, I think, makes it even richer. Christy and I had been really wavering about our decision to go to seminary in NC but decided that we would follow through with the application and see what the Lord did. I mailed the final pieces of the application off on the morning of Sept. 19th and only a few short hours later I found out about my new working arrangement. I believe God honored our faithfulness!

I had considered finding a part-time/temporary job from October until we left in December but Christy and I have decided against that pursuit. I want to spend as much time at home with my family as possible over the next several months because I know that once I start seminary my time at home will be much more limited. I have also desperately wanted more time to read and pray than I had before. This has been a large step of faith for me because my natural inclination would be to store up as much money as possible due to the fact that I have no idea what awaits us in North Carolina. I must trust that the Lord will honor my decision to put my family above trying to create a sense of security. I know the Lord will not fail us and that our needs will be met.

So, what have I learned thus far? I've learned that God REALLY does answer prayers and prayer can move men to act...even if they have no regard for the Lord. I've learned, again, that even when God does not seem to be at work, He is. I'm learning, over and over, to be patient and wait on the Lord. In a bible study that Christy is working through it said that no place in Scripture does God tell someone to hurry and make a decision. If we are feeling pressured to make a quick decision or spontaneously choose something that could have a lasting impact on our lives then we need to pull back and realize that we are probably rushing ahead of the Lord.

I continue to learn a great deal and will post more about what the Lord is teaching me in future posts.

By the way, I received my letter of acceptance to Southeastern Baptist seminary on October 1st. Christy and I are going to visit the campus at the end of the month and hope to have a clearer picture of what the housing options are and when we will make the move.

Two Questions

Now that word is spreading regarding our decision to go to seminary in the spring I am consistently being asked two questions: One, "Are you excited?" and second, "So, what are you planning to be?".

The amount and frequency of these questions are encouraging but I honestly don't know how to respond. I am excited but not the "I can't wait until Christmas" kind of excitement. I'm excited about seeing the Lord provide for us and about starting school but these feelings are tempered by (at times) an anxiousness regarding the whole process. I suppose I am excited but have not yet experienced the emotions of excitement...if that makes sense.

I wonder if David experienced the emotions of excitement when he was anointed as king by Samuel or was he overwhelmed by the awesomeness of the responsibility? Did he battle thoughts of inadequacy (...I'm just a shepherd and the youngest in my family...who am I to lead God's people)? I've not been anointed a king but I believe that accepting a call into vocational ministry carries the same weight of responsibility and requires perhaps even more dependency upon the Lord. Through this process I'm coming to realize that an acceptance of my personal inadequacy are necessary to be used of God. I don't even pretend to have the skills or infectious personality many with a worldly view of church leadership believe are required for success, but I do have a complete trust that if I continually submit myself to the Lord and allow Him to express His Life through me then I can mightily be used of God.

So, what am I planning to be? In short, I don't know.

I don't know what the next step beyond seminary will be. I have no delusions of grandeur of becoming a pastor of a mega-church complete with book deals and a large staff. I know there are churches of all sizes that honestly seek to follow the Lord. I also know there are churches of all sizes who won't offend their membership by teaching truths that are difficult to swallow in fear that a large portion of their "giving base" would leave. Please understand, these are generalizations and are not referring to any person or church in particular.

My goal in ministry, as I stated on my application to seminary, is to teach sound biblical truths in such a way that the listener leaves with a greater desire to know the heart of the Father. I know that in the process of accomplishing this goal I will offend people (I sincerely hope that it is the Word of God that offends and not the delivery!) so I don't expect to ever have a very "large" ministry...at least in number but I do pray that it is large in effectiveness.

In one sense I believe I am called to be a missionary to churches. As a whole, churches today do not teach biblical truth, they are not completely dependent on God for their finances, they are too "busy", etc. I could go on but I hope you see my point. Now, I know there are exceptions, and I am grateful for those exceptions, but that's what they are...exceptions. The church in America can never hope to be fully used of God nor reach her full potential until we stop trying to be another community recreational center or country club and get back to the basics of training people in the ways of God! I will stop here because I don't intend for this to be a rant but I do desire for the Lord to use my life as another example of what can happen when someone totally surrenders to the Father and allows Him to direct all areas of their life, work, and family.

If you are reading this and have been one of the many people to offer these two comments to me please know that I sincerely appreciate them. You have been very encouraging to me and my family as we are embarking on this journey!

The Mystery of God's Will

First of all this post is in no way a review, critique, or affiliated in any other way with Chuck Swindoll's book by the same title. I have listened to it (via audiobook) and highly recommend it. Nevertheless, this post does deal with the same topic of how do we discern God's will.

This subject has always intrigued and, at times, troubled me. In light of our station in life this subject has been on the forefront of my mind. What is involved in discerning the will of God? How do we know if we've found it? Is it like the advice you always hear regarding how to know if you are in love (i.e. you just know)? Is it a proper display of faith to, like Gideon, lay out "fleeces"? Or, is it much simpler? Does God shape our desires to conform to His as we grow in intimacy with Him? If that is the case then does God show us His will simply by giving us a desire to do something? Of course, this assumes that an individual's relationship with the Lord is healthy.

I have realized that too often I wait for a weird feeling in my stomach, chills down my spine, or some other tangible indication. However, I am coming to the realization that while God may, at times, provide such a sensation it is not necessarily an indication of His will (it could just be that burrito talking back!). I believe that the Lord has given us minds for a reason and intends that we use them (Is. 1:18 ). So perhaps the Lord allows us to logically think through an issue, ensuring that it does not violate His word, and make a decision.

There are a couple of truths related to the character of God that comfort me in the process of discerning His will. First, I know the Lord is not trying to hide from me. He does not send me on a scavenger hunt to find Him. However, He often delays (though is never late) in giving clarity to an issue. One reason for this is that He desires we pursue Him, His heart, and an understanding of His ways more than to know what the next turn in life should be.

Second, we are not on a performance based acceptance with Him. This is comforting because I know that even if I were to choose something that was not in His will that He will not abandon me. He will discipline me when necessary but I believe that if I have honestly sought Him in the matter that He will lovingly direct me back on course. I realize this begs the question that if I have honestly sought Him is it possible to choose something that is not His will?

Third, we have the Holy Spirit in us to guide and direct our paths and can orchestrate circumstances to keep us from choosing a path that is not the Lord's will. Again, this assumes we are not walking in rebellion and are honestly seeking the Lord. If this is not the case then we have a whole other set of issues to work through.

So, how does this relate back to our decision to attend seminary? Well, we have (and continue to) honestly sought the Lord's will in this decision. I have not had an emotional or tangible indication that we have made the right decision but I think the Lord may be telling me to make a decision in faith based on what I know about Him and His character without relying on any physical sensation. The primary thought processes I have gone through in this decision are:
I have had a desire to go to seminary for several years
I love to study scripture and I love to learn
Spending concentrated time in His word and learning from seasoned believers is not contrary to scripture and will be benefical
No other opportunities have presented themselves
There is not another profession or field that hold any interest to me. Financial counseling is interesting to me but I believe the Lord will, one day, incorporate that into any ministry He opens for me.
When I consider the question, "What would I do if money were not an issue?" the answer is always to attend seminary.
I believe that I would live with a regret if I did not pursue a seminary education. It may be that the Lord's life's work for me will not require a seminary education but if I don't pursue it then I know I will always wonder "what if..."

These are just some of the reasons that I believe the Lord's next step for us is to attend seminary. We continue to pray for the Lord to provide a tangible confirmation that we are heading in the right direction but if we don't receive one then I have to trust that He will honor our sincere quest to walk in obedience to His will and will direct us in the right direction.

I have no idea what step will come next. I don't expect the Lord to one day just open my eyes to what is ahead for the rest of my life. If He did then I know I would be tempted to try and work things out in my own strength to make it happen and would not rely on the Lord to get me there. In that case I would receive the glory for finding God's will rather than He receive the glory for leading me into His will.

Well, in case you ever wondered what it was like inside my head (and I doubt that anyone has except for maybe my wife) then you just got a snapshot. Pretty scary, huh?

Thank you for continuing to pray for us!

On your mark, get set, GO!

What does it mean to live "on the verge"? I recently came across an economic development theory called the edge of chaos. Basically it says that the most creative, vibrant, and exciting economies exist on the edge of chaos. Here is a summary of this idea. Click here for the full article.

This term [edge of chaos] describes the fine line between stability and chaos where
innovation and survival are most likely to take place. As a way to think about
these regimes, consider what form H2O takes in each. In the frozen regime, it
would be ice. In the stable regime, it would be water. In the chaotic regime, it
would be steam.

Organizations and economies also operate in these three
regimes. In the frozen regime, no information gets transferred and no activity
takes place, so it is impossible to adapt. In the chaotic regime, information
and change takes place so fast that nothing is stable enough to retain its
identity. In the stable regime, there is a regular rhythm of activity in which
identity is retained but adaptation to changing conditions is slow. While humans
may favor stability, nature favors the line between stability and chaos (edge of
chaos) because it is here that constant adaptation goes on which allows an
organism to survive over the long run.

I think this is a great illustration for our lives as believers. "Frozen" believers are so stuck on the way things "used to be" that they miss what the Lord wants to do in their lives today. "Stable" believers typically are good church-going people. I believe this characterizes the majority of the Church today. They are satisfied with where their lives are and where they are in their relationship with the Lord. Herein lies the problem though. Any spiritual growth is marginal and they don't want the Lord to disrupt their happy lives. The "chaotic" believers follow every whim of emotion not bothering to consider if this new course is actually the Lord's will or not.

In the same way that most people prefer a safe and stable environment Christians prefer a safe, predictable, and stable relationship with the Lord. However, it seems to me, that the Lord desires that we live on the "edge of chaos" where we are constantly on the look out for the Lord to move in our life, are willing to be obedient, and yet we carefully consider if the new direction or activity is His will (through reading His word, prayer, consultation with other mature believers, etc). This reminds me of the description of Aslan in C.S. Lewis' "Chronicles of Narnia": "Aslan is a good lion but not a tame lion". The Lord is good but is not concerned whether or not we feel comfortable. His desire is to shape our character to line up with His and will take whatever means necessary to ensure that His purposes are accomplished.

So, what does this have to do with our family? Well, we had begun to settle down into a comfortable place. We bought a home, I have a good job that allows my wife to stay at home, we are getting involved in our church, and we are making friends. About a month ago this started to be flipped upside down. I received news from my work that I needed to begin searching for new employment. My position is very political and the circumstances have yet to all be worked out so I'm not giving a lot of detail at this time. Suffice to say that I have not done anything wrong but the powers that be desire for someone else to be in my position. They have allowed me to stay here while we chart a new course but the actual amount of time I have is uncertain. My current job is not in an area that I have desired to pursue as a career. I have desired to attend seminary for quite some time but the timing (in my eyes) never seemed right. As a result of all that has happened we believe the Lord is now leading us to begin seminary.

This decision has not come easily. There are a lot of uncertainties right now (how will we make it financially, will Christy be able to stay home, etc) but we are confident that the Lord will make a way and provide for us. We are at a place in life that if the Lord does not come through then we may not make it. That is a scary yet strangely safe place to be. The words of Hudson Taylor come to mind, "Either the Lord is Lord of ALL; or not Lord at all".

We are currently in the process of applying to seminary and are making plans to begin classes at the end of January. Beyond that we have no idea what the Lord will do in our lives. That pretty much brings the events of the past few months up to date. I have lots more on my mind that I want to post but I feel this posting is long enough. I don't intend for every post to be this long but since I am essentially writing my thoughts then who knows what will come out.

Thank you for reading and being a part of our journey.