Two Questions

Now that word is spreading regarding our decision to go to seminary in the spring I am consistently being asked two questions: One, "Are you excited?" and second, "So, what are you planning to be?".

The amount and frequency of these questions are encouraging but I honestly don't know how to respond. I am excited but not the "I can't wait until Christmas" kind of excitement. I'm excited about seeing the Lord provide for us and about starting school but these feelings are tempered by (at times) an anxiousness regarding the whole process. I suppose I am excited but have not yet experienced the emotions of excitement...if that makes sense.

I wonder if David experienced the emotions of excitement when he was anointed as king by Samuel or was he overwhelmed by the awesomeness of the responsibility? Did he battle thoughts of inadequacy (...I'm just a shepherd and the youngest in my family...who am I to lead God's people)? I've not been anointed a king but I believe that accepting a call into vocational ministry carries the same weight of responsibility and requires perhaps even more dependency upon the Lord. Through this process I'm coming to realize that an acceptance of my personal inadequacy are necessary to be used of God. I don't even pretend to have the skills or infectious personality many with a worldly view of church leadership believe are required for success, but I do have a complete trust that if I continually submit myself to the Lord and allow Him to express His Life through me then I can mightily be used of God.

So, what am I planning to be? In short, I don't know.

I don't know what the next step beyond seminary will be. I have no delusions of grandeur of becoming a pastor of a mega-church complete with book deals and a large staff. I know there are churches of all sizes that honestly seek to follow the Lord. I also know there are churches of all sizes who won't offend their membership by teaching truths that are difficult to swallow in fear that a large portion of their "giving base" would leave. Please understand, these are generalizations and are not referring to any person or church in particular.

My goal in ministry, as I stated on my application to seminary, is to teach sound biblical truths in such a way that the listener leaves with a greater desire to know the heart of the Father. I know that in the process of accomplishing this goal I will offend people (I sincerely hope that it is the Word of God that offends and not the delivery!) so I don't expect to ever have a very "large" ministry...at least in number but I do pray that it is large in effectiveness.

In one sense I believe I am called to be a missionary to churches. As a whole, churches today do not teach biblical truth, they are not completely dependent on God for their finances, they are too "busy", etc. I could go on but I hope you see my point. Now, I know there are exceptions, and I am grateful for those exceptions, but that's what they are...exceptions. The church in America can never hope to be fully used of God nor reach her full potential until we stop trying to be another community recreational center or country club and get back to the basics of training people in the ways of God! I will stop here because I don't intend for this to be a rant but I do desire for the Lord to use my life as another example of what can happen when someone totally surrenders to the Father and allows Him to direct all areas of their life, work, and family.

If you are reading this and have been one of the many people to offer these two comments to me please know that I sincerely appreciate them. You have been very encouraging to me and my family as we are embarking on this journey!